If you like your chart battles drenched in gallons of fake tan and covered in sequins, this is for you.
That’s because the Saturday night rivalry between Strictly Come Dancing and The X Factor just got personal.
As things stand right now, Strictly’s Anton du Beke is beating last year’s X Factor winner Matt Terry in the midweek albums chart.
Anton’s at number 20, Matt at 27 – so how do the stars match up?
Imagine a road. Then imagine something going down the middle of that road. Now imagine Anton’s face.
From The Top is like a version of Strictly – warm, big-hearted, utterly inoffensive and timed perfectly for the Christmas run-in.
Packed full of swing classics and jazz standards, Anton’s baritone will never trouble the Sinatra comparisons but the man can hold a tune.
And who knew the world needed a big band cover of I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor by Arctic Monkeys?
Matt Terry’s Trouble is a more contemporary beast altogether – but still a beast that’s been incredibly well trained not to deviate from any pathway other than the one marked “bland”.
However, if you’re looking for plenty of soaring falsetto warbling (and lots of people are), you’ve come to the right place.
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It’s as if a bunch of producers got together and said: “Let’s make some music that sounds the same as lots of other chart stuff – but a little bit more forgettable.”
Matt does get extra points for singing in Spanish on Romeo y Juliet.
Essential heartbreaking back story
Matt’s got this one covered.
He only auditioned for The X Factor after being dumped by his girlfriend of three years. And he used that hurt to pour into his performances.
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That’s the sort of raw pain we can all get behind.
Anton on the other hand is happily married with baby twins who he adores.
Delving further back to his teens, he once had to make the decision to swap boxing for dancing – but again, much less pain than this category requires.
Not necessarily a deal breaker but worth including, purely because it must be incredibly annoying to be constantly told you look like someone else.
It’s not for us to judge but we’ll just leave these here.
Image caption Only one of these two is on a hiatus from One Direction
Image caption Rob Brydon can certainly sing but can he dance?